And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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