M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
