I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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