you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
