He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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