Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have started to decorate penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
