Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
