i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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