just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're a waste of cheezeits
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
