Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize