he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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