you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
