I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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