Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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