Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's always time for handjobs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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