i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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