Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize