I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
