May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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