in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
