i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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