his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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