just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
