Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
