There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
