Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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