We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
