I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
