The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
