we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
