I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
