i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
