I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize