your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
