I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
