How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
