his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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