Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
