When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
