i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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