dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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