There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
