i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize