I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
