nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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