Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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