Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize