Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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