just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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