Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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