I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
