i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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