Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
