You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
