Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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