Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
