dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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