I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
