Redeem this text for a blowjob
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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