so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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