Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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