I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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