I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
