You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
