I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
