i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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