I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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