38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can you bring me the toilet please
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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