Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize