he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
