Got a toothbrush?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
