I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
