I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
