I feel like abortions should bother me more
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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