my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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