omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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