I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
